sara posey.

20 Lessons I’ve Learned by 20: 

Hi! 

So, this is my first blog post. I have written countless drafts, but I am realizing that there is never going to be a “perfect” first post. So, here it is. Twenty Lessons I’ve learned by 20. This list is messy and unorganized, but it’s real and honest. Some of these I may elaborate on, but others explain themselves. I hope you take something from this post. Thanks for reading! X 

1. Invest in Your friendships 

If you know me, then you know, my friends are my favorite parts of myself. The depth in which I love my friends make me believe in love and humanity in times that I don’t. However, having quality friends is not by chance either. It’s something that you cultivate and grow. I hold my friends to high standards, but I make an effort to bring what I require to the table as well.

2. Don’t bottle up your thoughts and emotions.

I am convinced that this is the only way to move through hurt. You HAVE to talk about it to process it. The saying, “talk about it until it doesn’t hurt anymore” has proven to be true in my life. I am forever grateful for those around me who have allowed me to process the same situation over and over again. 

3. Less is more (Makeup & Skincare) 

Okay, this is a less philosophical note lol. BUT LESS. IS. MORE. !!!!! My makeup started looking better when I stopped packing on foundation and stuck to a tinted moisturizer. Also, I wish I could shake my twelve year old self and tell her to STOP trying a thousand new products. When your skin is breaking out, it’s good to just stick to the basics. 

4. Journaling will change your life!

I have consistently kept a journal since I was 11. My journal is my place that I can be unhinged and write whatever I want to. It allows me to process situations or keep record of what’s going on in my life. My favorite thing is to read my journals back because it shows how truly far I have come in my recovery, friendships and how much I’ve matured. (PS. get a journal that you love the cover of. Mine is blue with my initials engraved into it. It makes me excited to write!)

5. Read More, Scroll Less

I am absolutely guilty of waking up and scrolling on my phone. I can physically feel my heart racing when I do this. So, another life lesson learned is to read more. Reading is a great escape from life and every day anxieties. Plus, it will broaden your vocabulary and make you a better writer. I know I sound like everyone’s local librarian, but I am a huge fan of reading. 

6. Some people are meant to be in your life for moments. Learn the lessons and let it rest. 

I love deeply and assume naively that everyone will be in my life forever. As I’ve gotten older, I have learned to appreciate good moments and if nothing else comes of them, then that is enough. 

7. Don’t let your age undermine your potential

I have been the youngest person at the last two jobs that I have worked (other than nannying). This gives me an unreal amount of imposter syndrome. However, I have learned that my age does not define what I can bring to the table. 

8. People are multifaceted. Don’t put yourself in a box.

I am still learning this. But, people are so complex and you do not have to fit into one identity or one aestethic to be accepted. I’m naturally a very “black and white” thinker. I thought that if I was pre med then I had to act a certain way, dress a certain way, and not have any hobbies that wouldn’t impress a medical school. However, that simply is not true. Honestly, this blog is apart of me stepping outside of the box I’ve put myself in. I’ve learned that YES I am pre med. I love learning and love my job, but I am also creative and love to read and draw and write.

9. Go to THERAPY NOW

This is one is pretty self explanatory. I don’t subscribe to the idea that “everyone needs therapy”, but I think that if you want to be committed to healing or self growth, then going is a great idea. If you know me… then you know how much therapy has changed my life and who I am. I am no longer NEEDING therapy like I once did, but I am so grateful to have a space that I can be vulnerable and honest. 

10. There is a difference between “being alone” and “lonely.”

I used to equate being physically alone with being lonely. So, anytime that I didn’t have plans it felt crippling. However, I’ve learned to love my own company. To create hobbies and romanticize absolutely everything. It truly makes my life so much better. 

11. It’s okay to not want to do what everyone else does. 

Most weekends, my first couple semesters of college were spent in my room feeling bad about the fact that I don’t like going out. However, last semester I finally found a group of girls that like to make dinner and watch movies and play card games on Friday’s. Point being, I am so happy that I didn’t force myself to continuously go out every weekend.

12. Your standards are not too high… stop trying to change them and accept shit behavior.

A good rule of thumb is that if you can bring to the table what you are expecting that it is not too much to ask for. I used to find myself putting up with disrespect because (insert any lame excuse I could think of). But, holding your standards and boundaries is the highest form of self respect AND it builds trust with yourself which is essential. 

13. You are always allowed to change your mind 

PERIOD.

14. It’s not cool to not care

You have no idea how much I wanted to be the “chill” girl when I was younger. BUT I’m not and that’s okay. I want to be known for how I love others, not how non-chalant I am. Emotional vulnerability is scary, but playing a “I don’t give a fuck” contest for the rest of my life terrifies me more.

15. Self Care is beyond a face mask and a bubble bath 

I’ve recently had to learn that self care has to be intentional. It’s more than doing a skincare routine at night. It’s choosing to journal and decompress after a hard week or setting boundaries with those who drain your energy. 

16. Give back to others. It will fill your cup in ways you don’t know. 

Volunteer, donate, do something kind for someone. I’ve been donating to an organization (To Write Love on Her Arms) since I was in treatment at Timberline Knolls. A friend that I had met there gave me her “Tomorrow Needs You” bracelet and I wore that bracelet until it fell off years later. I ended up ordering more and sending them out to my friends that I met at residential. My donation is probably not making  a huge difference in the grand scheme of TWLOHA, but it makes me happy to know I can give back to an orgnization that gave to me when I needed it most. 

17. It’s okay to be loud and opinionated. You do not have to dull yourself to make others shine.

18. Be vulnerable in all areas of life. No matter how scary that may seem.

Still learning this one! 

19. It’s okay to not have it all figured out. You are trying. 

I am the definition of a type A planner. I have a bit of a control issue and like to know exactly what I am doing and where I am going in life. However, that is not the point of your 20’s. This is a time for self exploration. I have learned to lean into the chaos and enjoy it rather than let it control me.

20. Everything Happens for a Reason. 

This is arguably the most important lesson of all.

love,

Sara Posey